TrishD – Trish Dooley coaching

November 29, 2023

Giving and Receiving Feedback through the lens of the Enneagram

During coaching sessions and on social media platforms, I feel I’m hearing and reading so much about ‘feedback’ in particular, individuals’ reactions to it.

Some love and thrive on it, are motivated and inspired by it, actively seek it and in some cases, almost need it to feel reassured and know direction for their next steps. Others loathe, dread and can even try to avoid it. I am talking here of both giving and receiving and both positive and critical feedback. I use the word critical loosely.

When was the last time you were praised? How did it feel?

I was recently asked to support a group of senior leaders in creating a culture of holding each other to account by using radical candour in how they feedback to one another.

Thinking about how people react to feedback took me back to the Enneagram. Knowing our personality type helps us try to understand our reactions to feedback. I for example, am a Type 1, a Strict Perfectionist. I find feedback hard. Hard to receive and give. The receiving bit is based on my very loud inner critic. As a perfectionist I have already done something to its nth degree and my ‘core fear’ is getting something wrong. So, when I do, which of course I do, my inner critic has already kicked in. The ‘second’ feedback voice just adds to my disappointment. At my worst, I resort to defensiveness and blame.

And praise? My default reaction is “Thank you BUT….”. I’m learning to say “Thank you AND….”

As to giving feedback, I have to prepare in order to not appear overly critical, to recognise that perfect isn’t the goal and to do it before any resentment or anger can build up.

While I’m describing this as a Type 1, this is me at my worst. The Enneagram isn’t just describing how one is, it helps you become the better version of your Type through integration with the others, in my case Types 2-9. Once we have an awareness of how we are in situations like this, it helps us develop and grow into someone we want to be.

Prior to this request, the Leadership Team in question had all done work on the Enneagram. All 14 of them had their individual reports and a Team report. All had individual coaching and Team coaching to help them grow and develop as individuals and as a Team. And so, I decided to run this ‘radical candour’ training through the lens of the Enneagram. In advance of the session, all were required to reread the section of their report about how they give and receive feedback and to select parts which resonated most with them.

How do you like to receive feedback? What needs to be in place for you to embrace it?

Developing a self-awareness around how we receive feedback helps us with our social intelligence – how others might feel. Each feedback conversation we have is unique. Is it timely, is it to the right degree of challenge, am I really showing I care for this person? Is the feedback empowering, is it supportive and is it transformational?

Exploring these questions helped the group see the benefits of honesty and transparency. It also helped to include useful frameworks for feedback to help them keep to their goal of shifting the culture of the organisation. And ultimately, the resounding acceptance of ‘it’s your job’ helped provide the transformational shift they needed.

If you would like to drive accountability across your leadership team, changing the culture while using radical candour, get in touch.

September 15, 2023

Inclusive Leadership

How do I show my commitment to EDI as a Leader?

You’ve connected to why equality, diversity and inclusion matters to you personally and what diversity can bring to your team and culture but so what? How do you now transform the vision, the purpose, into reality. How do you become the inclusive leader…

Firstly, you openly talk about it. You explain to others your reasons why it’s important to you and to the organisation. You discuss it in every appropriate context. You notice and celebrate where diversity is good. You are clear where it needs to be better. You use your power as a leader and be proactive.

You support and champion people who are different to you. You educate yourself about people whose experiences are different to yours and notice how others are affected in different situations. You also amplify the voices of those not being heard.

You create a business rationale for Diversity and Inclusion. You hold yourself and others accountable to this and to positive behaviours including using the right language and communication around inclusion. If you don’t know, just ask. Refer to people as what they are rather than what they are not.

You set criteria for equality benchmarks and have a clear plan for progress – what are you actually trying to achieve? How will you know you’ve got there? What are the advantages/gains you will notice?

You are able to acknowledge when you get it wrong and accepting your vulnerability as a strength you wish to role model. You are open to challenge and getting it right.

In short, lead by example, be open to change, show commitment and act!

“Inclusive leadership is not a destination. It’s a journey that requires humility, curiosity and courage.” Thais Compoint

August 25, 2023

What can Diversity bring to your Team?

Once individuals have connected to ‘why EDI matters to them personally’, it’s then important to understand the organisation’s bigger purpose moving away from the individual, to answering these questions from the organisation’s point of view.

Why would any organisation want to be inclusive?

What will it look like for your organisation to be inclusive?

How will you know you’re getting there and then, achieved it?

But a more fundamental question is this one….

What can Diversity bring to your Team?

In other words, what’s the purpose, what’s the why behind becoming a more diverse, equitable and inclusive workforce?

“In diversity there is beauty and there is strength” Maya Angelou

Answering this together, as a team can help pick apart the questions about what Diversity would look like, also by beginning to look at their current state in the representation of diversity. What areas of diversity does the company feel they have good representation, where do they feel vulnerable, what’s the desired state? This is where I aim to really help them scrutinise the 100% truth in their discussions. In the work I have done to date with teams, I have experienced organisational blind spots where being well represented in one area of diversity, can often lead to them struggling to see where they lack in others. It’s vital here I am really explicit about protected characteristics and specifically those which are not always visibly evident.

I ask them to consider, what’s the organisational culture? How do they believe difference is experienced? Is it missed, judged, de-emphasised. Or is it deeply understood and bridged?

How do they know?

“Inclusion is not what you think; it is how people feel.” John Berger

Next time, Inclusive Leadership….

August 18, 2023

Why does EDI matter to you personally?

It’s great to hear how so many organisations desire to put Equality, Diversity and Inclusion at the core of what they do and how they want to show up in the world. Some even aiming for Diversity Accreditation schemes, using this to ensure their vision for EDI is supported by action plans and is an umbrella for all they do.

I’ve had the pleasure of working with the leadership teams of organisations over the last six months who are trying to achieve this. They look inwards at themselves to really reflect on whether they are an inclusive company. I’m always curious to know their answers to the following:

Why would any organisation want to be inclusive?

What will it look like for your organisation to be inclusive?

How will you know you’re getting there and then, achieved it?

But my actual starting point is the title question:

Why does EDI matter to you personally?

“When we are advantaged, it is difficult to spot. When we are disadvantaged, we spot it instantly”.

The responses to this often get to the heart why individual team members FEEL the importance of being inclusive and diverse. Everyone has a story where they have witnessed or been victim of some form of bias or prejudice. Giving space for individuals to share these stories and to describe their emotions at the time or now, brings those feelings to the surface. My purpose for doing this is to truly understand whether the organisation wants to simply respond to the law or to adapt its’ culture from a place of integrity. Then the work begins…

The next part…..where to go from here…..

November 1, 2022

Using the Enneagram with Teams

Over the last few months I have had the pleasure of working with an incredible team made up of 16 leaders. We have worked on individual and team leadership development through the lens of the Enneagram.

Starting from the belief that all great leaders have a keen self-awareness of how they are perceived by others, how they show up in the world; their world view, motivations and strengths; the culture they are creating, their openness to listen, be challenged and change.

When leaders are honest about their strengths and their ‘weaknesses’, they demonstrate the capacity to be open and authentic and model what real self-awareness looks like.

Self-awareness, the ability to be mindful, ‘conscious’ about what, how and why you do what you do, is the starting point to develop a growing insight of the same in others – those you lead. It’s also the starting point in developing an emotional intelligence, the ability to recognise, understand and manage your own emotions AND the capacity to recognise, understand and empathise with the emotions of others.

Simply put, if you don’t know yourself, how can you begin to know others?

We started the process with a day learning to understand the Enneagram as a system and tool and getting conversant with the 9 types and what this means for individuals, and teams in general and specifically for this team.

In between this and the second leadership development day, we started the work on self-awareness. All leaders did the Integrative Enneagram questionnaire (iEQ9) and had a 1:1 coaching feedback session. This was significantly impactful for each leader with many ‘Ah ha!’ moments as they learn so much about their personality and how this serves them well or not, their habitual patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. Yet much more importantly, how they develop and grow, how this tool provides a roadmap to conscious and better leadership and relationships.

Day 2 consisted of each leader communicating their strengths and growth path to the whole team. To enable this, we worked on how to make everyone feel psychologically safe, how everyone could feel vulnerable yet supported. This was crucial to making progress with how they are together as a team. This process shifted the focus from our ‘self’ awareness to ‘awareness of others’. The team is also enhancing their emotional intelligence of others.

Then, who are we as a team? How do our personalities, our leadership strengths help us improve our team dynamic and cohesion? How do we apply what we know to different aspects of working relationships like communication, giving feedback, and our overall team performance. How do we deal with conflict & challenge, how do we work under stress and strain, how can we move from ‘forming’ to ‘performing’ as one?

Team Enneagram Types

We ended the day making commitments to ourselves and the team. Asking what each team member needed, they were invited to stand and request it. They then asked for someone to help them keep that commitment making themselves accountable for the change they were wanting.

I’m already excited about Day 3 where we move to the next level in our team dynamic work, looking at the gaps and how we use the expertise in the team to fill these.

“Because teams are complex and dynamic, they cannot be understood from a single perspective or at only one moment in time” Ginger Lapid-Bogda

February 14, 2022

Leadership and Enneagram Types 7-9

Here are the final three types E7-9, in the series of the enneagram and leadership styles. All types make fantastic leaders and while there are many strengths in each type, there are also growth paths to become even better, to integrate the strengths of other types into our own and to notice, accept and find ways to challenge those aspects of our leadership where we would like to adapt to be more successful in our leadership.

Starting with Type 7, ‘The Enthusiastic Visionary’
These spontaneous, optimistic, fun-loving people are a joy to be with. They appreciate and bring energy to everything, fascinated by new ideas, they are innovative and entrepreneurial.

Their strengths as leaders include their ability to see the big picture, their flexibility, desire to learn more and ability to make things happen while inspiring others as they lead.
Their growth includes, finishing what they start before boredom sets in, tempering their restlessness, following protocol and, slowing down to ’embrace the tedium’ while allowing others to catch up.

Their high level of activity can be a real positive but can also create tension as others are obliged complete the activities started by them.

Type 8, ‘The Active Controller‘. These strong, decisive, magnetic people exude charisma, energy and a lust for life. They are dynamic, direct, authentic and courageous, symbolised by the lion.

Their strengths as leaders include their ability to take charge and demonstrate their self-assurance. They make things happen and have impact, they are determined, reliable, supportive and fiercely protective of others.

Their growth is to accept their own and others’ limitations, be less intense and more tolerant and self-aware, and to be more in touch with their vulnerable side. They also need to be less confrontational as they follow their desire to change the world and to challenge injustice.

And finally, Type 9, E9, ‘The Adaptive Peacemaker’. These unassuming, easy-going and accommodating people always try to keep the peace and avoid conflict wherever possible. They seek harmony and comfort and are archetypal lovely people.

As leaders, their strengths include an amicable sense of fairness, their desire to play down their own achievements by placing their colleagues/team members in the limelight, their ability to listen to and validate the views of others and their acceptance of mistakes, remaining positive and optimistic wherever possible.

Their growth pathways include an acceptance of their own brilliance and not to always deflect to the team, to move into action more quickly and be more dynamic, to share and sometimes exert their opinion rather than always listen to others and, to be more decisive.

If you’re curious to learn more about your type and how you show up as a leader, do get in touch.

January 26, 2022

Leadership and Enneagram Types 4-6

Here are the next three types, E4-6, in my continuing series of posts looking at leadership styles through the lens of the Enneagram. Each of the nine Enneagram Types will show up in leadership, and in life, in different ways. All will demonstrate huge strengths as leaders but all will also have a pathway of growth both to better engage these strengths or through integration across the enneagram leaning into the strengths of other types.

Continuing with Type 4 or E4...

Type 4s are ‘Intense Creative’ people. They can be sensitive, expressive, intense and emotional, driven by being authentic and expressing individuality and being attuned to their emotions. They need to make a difference.

When they are at their best as leaders they are purpose driven, imaginative and inspiring, intuitive and courageous. They are usually open to exploring different ways to accomplish tasks and therefore don’t tend to restrict the creativity in those they lead. Because of their own innate internal emotional intuition, they can be good at understanding others’ emotions with tact, gentleness, and compassion.

Their growth path is to let go of their story and step into a sense of belonging of their team and organisation. They need to try to refrain from comparing themselves with other leaders and trust themselves, remembering they make intuitive and gifted leaders.

Type 5, E5 are the ‘Quiet Specialists’…

These types are driven by the motivation of ‘needing to understand’ and the pursuit of knowledge. They look for the meaning in life, why things happen and often need to intellectualise and analyse problems before them.

They can be shy, detached, forgiving, reflective and cerebral BUT they love being around people especially if they are learning and understanding something from them.

Their strengths as leaders include their ability to see everyone’s point of view and get to the core of the problem, their desire to research potential solutions, their innovation and drive to complete and their capacity to re-engage. Their motto is Think. Analyse. Solve.

Their growth is around lowering their boundaries and letting people in, being less self-reliant and independent and using the strengths of their team to complement their own rather than see these as threats.
If your leader shows up as a E5, spark their curiosity, give them time and space to process information, and always allow them time to reflect.

E6 are ‘Loyal Sceptics’.

These great team players do not miss detail. They are cautious, prepared, loyal and sensing, and they build strong relationships with others.

At their best as leaders, strengths include creating stability and safety, being the glue to the team, planning ahead and being alert to all the potential mishaps along the way.

Their growth is knowing that their ‘yes, but what if’ stance can sometimes feel distrustful to others, and ‘paralysis by analysis’ can slow them and their teams’ progress.

If this is you, try going with your intuition and take the risks you might always try to avoid. What’s the worst that can possibly happen?

Do any of the three types above (or in my previous post) resonate with you? How would you bring the best out of yourself in leadership depending on your type? How can you do this of others?

If you are interested in learning more about your type and your leadership strengths, get in touch.

The final three types E7-9 to follow.

December 16, 2021

Leadership and Enneagram Types 1-3

Here are the first three types in my series of posts on looking at leadership styles through the lens of the enneagram. Each of the nine #enneagramtypes will show up in leadership in different ways. All will demonstrate huge strengths as leaders but all have a pathway of growth either to better engage these strengths, or through integration across the enneagram leaning into those of other types.

Starting with Type 1 or E1….

We are ‘Strict Perfectionists’, we want to see good in the world, we often judge those around us, and we are principled and live by strong values. Our motivations are ‘Doing the right thing, avoiding mistakes and working towards self-improvement and self-control’.
Our #strengths include striving for high standards, being systemic in our thinking and role modelling by living our beliefs and values.
Our #growth is to trust others by relinquishing control, be able to delegate, value others’ input and accept and enjoy good enough and imperfection.

Type 2 or E2, otherwise known as ‘considerate helpers’….

These generous and caring individuals often take on leadership or central roles as they enjoy being able to build their influence and connections. They can be great in the limelight. They are motivated by helping and providing for others with a deep-seated need to be liked and appreciated.
Their #strengths include building strong relationships, engaging groups, communities and broader systems often standing out from the crowd. They are ambitious, strategic & goal-oriented.
Their #growth is to catch themselves out when giving unsolicited advice. Ask themselves, “Am I disempowering you by always being there? Am I smothering the creativity and growth of my team?”
You will reap the benefits of stepping back a bit, putting some of your needs first and delighting in watching others grow.

Type 3 or E3, the ‘competitive achievers’….

Type 3’s are charming, charismatic individuals striving for success and to be the best at whatever they take on. They can be ambitious, focused, task-oriented, adaptive and are motivated by their need to outshine the rest. They may have an overwhelming desire to prove themselves often worrying about their image and how the world sees them.

Their #strengths as leaders include always having their eye on the prize, knowing where they are going and being hugely energetic and organised multi-taskers who have a deep seated desire to be successful. They are driven, inspiring leaders and can focus their competitiveness on supporting others to personal achievement.
Their #growth includes slowing down so as to not lose people, allowing themselves to feel failure to learn from it and therefore allowing others to do the same, collaborate more and be open to others’ views and lastly, reconnect to who they really are.
If you are interested in learning about your type and your leadership strengths, let me know.

Types 4-6 to follow…

June 4, 2021

Becoming an Enneagram practitioner – what I’ve learned about me

So, this was the week I officially became a certified practitioner in using the amazing self-assessment tool, The Enneagram.

To be awarded this status, one writes a case study on how they have used it with a client to bring about deeper self-awareness and to help lead them to a fundamental shift in the way they think, feel, and show up in the world, towards a place of authentic integration.

I have learned so much about type, subtype, motivations, fixations, vice, and virtues to name a few, of my client, but I have also learned a great deal about myself. Some of these are ‘typical’ patterns of behaviours of a type 1, a strict perfectionist, and some of it is just me. Here are just some examples….

Wanting to put the world to rights

My worldview acknowledges the imperfections of the world and how I can work towards improving it, myself, and others. I am motivated to make the world a better place always with a view on what’s right and what’s wrong. This of course leads to judgement both of me, my inner critic can be very loud, and of others. I am trying to use this in a positive way of creating change, becoming an active campaigner, and lobbying for causes I believe in.

Conscientious

I am supposedly a stickler for rules and standards, good and bad, correct, and incorrect and being conscientious around avoiding mistakes. Is this another fear of being judged? I am slowly but surely moving away from the language of ‘I should, I must, I ought to’. Who knows what joy this may bring?

Fear of being criticised

This is the ‘vulnerability’ of a Type 1 – while I like to point out others’ imperfections, I’m really not that keen on someone pointing out mine. In fact, I dislike it intensely and will react defensively, possibly with anger. Reading this for the first time made me angry. Enough said.

Zealous

My subtype is actually a counter-type to usual Type 1’s in that I prefer to reform others than myself. I see the potential for things to be better and reshape people around me to help make those happen. I can hold my hands up to this, yet I don’t feel I get off too lightly myself in how I want to ‘better’ me. I’m learning to stop creating unrealistic expectations both for myself and others. I’m some way away from serenity but at least it now exists in my thinking.

Procrastination

In my striving for perfectionism, my case study took hours, possibly days, longer than was perhaps necessary. I found it really difficult to sit and write it, even parts of it, until I was absolutely sure I knew it was going to be the best I could do. I became quite judgemental, self-critical, and pedantic, driven by a sense that it was not good enough. And then, I spent even longer deliberating on whether to send it in once complete. Here lies my keenest area for growth; accepting and challenging myself to ‘what’s good enough’ and allowing myself to embrace ambiguity and imperfection in myself and the world around me.

The above is just another stage in my learning. There is so much depth to the Enneagram, it’s hard to know where to begin (or is that just a Type 1 talking?). Beginning is the step I would highly recommend though as I remain fascinated by it 6 months on and hope to be for many years to come.

It can be misunderstood by some as ‘another box to put people into’. It’s not. It’s a way of understanding why we do what we do, what drives us, our core motivations, and what we can do to better ourselves. Everyone wants to do that right? This is the gift that keeps giving in more ways than one.

February 16, 2021

Perfectionism – learning to work with it…

When I trained to become a coach, I felt I learned so much so quickly I knew I couldn’t possibly keep all of it in my head. I wanted to start coaching clients but how was I going to do that if I couldn’t access knowledge, strategies, and stories, as and when I needed?

So, I decided to create colour coded ‘prompt’ cards which would enable me to quickly reference anything I needed during a coaching session.

And they did. They were filled with information, too much in some cases, and soon, I just needed to see one word out of the corner of my eye and knew what would be helpful in that coaching moment.

When speaking with other coaches about this, they were curious about my need to get these in place before jumping in with my coaching.

Easy – I wanted each session to be perfect. The best it could be. I wanted to be the best coach and to do that, I needed everything perfect around me.

I’ve always been aware of my tendency to want to make everything as good as it can be but learning and understanding about my type on the Enneagram and my behaviours associated with this, suddenly all made sense to me.

As a Type 1, I recognise my need for everything to be structured, ordered, organised and there is little space for me to criticise myself for something I could control.

After all, the last thing I want is to feel criticised and not good enough – that’s my Type’s vulnerability. Learning about the Enneagram has opened doors for me both about myself, my motivations, my relationship with others and more.

I feel I have only scratched the surface of this incredibly rich system. I will soon be a certified Enneagram practitioner and I can’t wait to start using it with clients who I hope will find discovering more about themselves as insightful and inspirational as I did.

I don’t use these cards anymore, well, not all of them. But I know I’ll be making a new set soon and that’s okay.

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