Giving and receiving feedback through the lens of the Enneagram
During coaching sessions and on social media platforms, I feel I'm hearing and reading so much about 'feedback' in particular, individuals reactions to it.
Some love and thrive on it, are motivated and inspired by it, actively seek it and in some cases, almost need it to feel reassured and know direction for their next steps. Others loathe, dread and can even try to avoid it.
I am talking here of both giving and receiving and both positive and critical feedback. I use the word critical loosely.
When was the last time you were praised? How did it feel?
I was recently asked to support a group of senior leaders in creating a culture of holding each other to account by using radical candour in how they feedback to one another.
Thinking about how people react to feedback took me back to the Enneagram. Knowing our personality type helps us try to understand our reactions to feedback. I for example, am a Type 1, a Strict Perfectionist. I find feedback hard. Hard to receive and give. The receiving bit is based on my very loud inner critic. As a perfectionist I have already done something to its nth degree and my 'core fear' is getting something wrong. So, when I do, which of course I do, my inner critic has already kicked in. The 'second' feedback voice just adds to my disappointment.
At my worst, I resort to defensiveness and blame.
And praise? My default reaction is "Thank you BUT..." I'm learning to say "Thank you AND..."
As to giving feedback, I have to prepare in order to not appear overly critical, to recognise that perfect isn't the goal and to do it before any resentment or anger can build up.
While I'm describing this as a Type 1, this is me at my worst. The Enneagram isn't just describing how one is, it helps you become the better version of your Type through interaction with the others. in my case Types 2-9. Once we have an awareness of how we are in situations like this, it helps us develop and grow into someone we want to be.
Prior to this request, the Leadership Team in question had all done work on the Enneagram.
All 14 of them had their individual reports and a Team report. All had individual coaching and Team coaching to help them grow and develop as individuals and as a Team.
And so, I decided to run this 'radical candour' training through the lens of the Enneagram. In advance of the session, all were required to reread the section of their report about how they give and receive feedback and to select parts which resonated most with them.
How do you like to receive feedback? What needs to be in place for you to embrace it?
Developing a self-awareness around how we receive feedback helps us with our social intelligence - how others might feel.
Each feedback conversation we have is unique. Is it timely, is it to the right degree of challenge, am I really showing I care for this person? Is the feedback empowering, is it supportive and is it transformational?
Exploring these questions helped the group see the benefits of honesty and transparency. It also helped to include useful frameworks for feedback to help them keep to their goal of shifting the culture of the organisation. And ultimately, the resounding acceptance of 'it's your job’ helped provide the transformational shift they needed.
If you would like to drive accountability across your leadership team, changing the culture while using radical candour, get in touch.